‘I felt like it was my fault’: Jacksonville Navy veteran shares story of military sexual trauma

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jacksonville resident Dr. Kim Bynum joined the U.S. Navy in 1991, serving her country for 21 years.

She is speaking out to help break the stigma surrounding military sexual trauma.

“I was never thinking that MST would happen to me,” Bynum said. “I felt very safe, secure and powerful. I trained females in the military on how to avoid MST.”

Toward the final stages of her assignment while serving as a Lieutenant Commander—she says the unexpected happened.

She said she was in Panama in 2011 for a planning conference with peers. All department heads, were planning for a military exercise.

The meetings had ended, and she and her peers were having a couple of drinks at the hotel.

She left early to take a call, and a peer asked if she wanted them to walk her to her room -- she said no.

“I got on the elevator, and that’s the last thing that I remember,” Bynum said.

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She doesn’t remember getting to her room but said she woke up throwing up violently in the toilet. She remembers feeling very sore and saw a used condom in the toilet.

“I never even thought for one instant that I would report it,” Bynum said. “I just felt like it was my fault.”

Bynum didn’t tell anyone for years -- saying she was ashamed and embarrassed.

“I felt like if the Navy didn’t think I could take care of myself, they wouldn’t choose me,” Bynum said. “They wouldn’t select me to have command of a ship, and that was my ultimate goal.”

Bynum said when she joined the Navy in 1991 women weren’t even allowed to serve on combatant ships, much less command them.

“I was at a stage in my career in 2010, where I was about to be selected for command at sea of those same combatant ships that I wasn’t even allowed to serve on when I first joined,” Bynum said. “I wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of that.”

A recent survey from the Wounded Warrior Project shows that 44% of women warriors in their program reported experiencing MST as a result of their service, and 3 percent of their male warriors reported MST.

It went on to say that 73% of their women warriors said they’ve been sexually assaulted or harassed while in the military.

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Bynum said there’s power in speaking up. She’s been married for 28 years and expressed how crucial it is to seek help.

“The military’s already tough enough on a relationship, but then to experience MST and keep it inside -- I don’t think I realized how it was impacting my relationship with my husband,” Bynum said. “We were having issues, and it wasn’t until we were talking and going through counseling I remember blurting out to him in one of these tough discussions that I had been raped.”

At that time, she didn’t realize the toll MST had on her life.

Now, about a decade later -- she feels things are headed in a better direction.

Bynum applauded the military’s recent efforts of creating a culture where sexual assault and harassment of any kind will not be tolerated.

“Everybody’s waking up to the fact that it’s time for us to be more respectful of all that has happened,” Bynum said. “We need to address it.”

She knows so many are still struggling in silence.

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“I feel like it’s so important to not let your role define you and not let your circumstances define who you are,” Bynum said. “To know that your self-worth is more important than any of those things.”

Day to day Bynum helps veterans seek the resources they need, as she continues to instill in others that there is hope and help on the other side.

Military sexual trauma, or MST, refers to experiences of sexual assault or sexual harassment experienced during military service.

If you or someone you know has experienced military sexual trauma, you can reach out to your local V.A. The Department of Defense also has a Safe Helpline at 1-877-995-5247 or you can go to safehelpline.org.

“It’s worth it to come forward,” Bynum said.

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